Am I Weird for Not Drinking?

“You don’t wanna drink wit’ your grandfadda?”

Every time I visit my grandfather, he offers me a shot of rum. It pains me to see his face deflate when I decline because I know this is his way of trying to connect with his grandson. But my refusal isn’t personal. I just don’t want to drink with anyone anymore. Or do anything else that alters my state of mind.

Disappointment isn’t quite the word I’d use to describe the looks from others in my life when I turn down an alcoholic beverage. It’s more of an is-this-guy-a-weirdo? kind of look.

“You mean, you don’t drink anything?”

Not anymore, I would tell them. Not for several years.

“How come?”

I used to struggle to explain why I chose to stop. And no matter what I said, there would always be an awkward pause while the other person tried to figure me out.

“Maybe he’s a recovering alcoholic.”

“Maybe he has health issues.”

“Maybe he’s just lame.”

These days, I have been trying out a new answer: for spiritual reasons.

This response, while the most honest, seems to have the effect of confirming what was already assumed about me.

“Yeah, this guy’s definitely a weirdo.”

And maybe they’re right on some level. Almost everyone I know drinks, and sometimes I do feel a bit on the fringes of society for making this decision.

Are they right? Is this a weird choice?

I understand why people do it. There was a time when drinking was deeply entrenched in the social fabric of my life. I used to partake almost every weekend—family parties, nights out with friends, music events—and it did make whatever I was doing even more fun and the people around me more tolerable.

Ingesting an intoxicant was also the easiest way to escape my problems and even myself. When I was drunk, I was no longer trapped in a dreary world, overwhelmed by all the stresses of life. I was in a realm where anything seemed possible. I could talk to anyone, dance freely, and be the confident person I always wanted to become. I knew it was temporary, but damn it, it was fun.

It was such a good time, in fact, that I couldn’t see that this fleeting pleasure always came with a price. The hangovers got worse, and so did my mental state.

I wish I could share a drink with my grandfather. I wish I could sit next to him, accept the glass he hands me, and take part in a small ritual that seems to mean so much to him.

But I know that I can’t use alcohol casually. In the past, I found myself constantly looking forward to the next time I would get hammered. I began to realize I was losing myself and becoming someone I didn’t like.

I didn’t want to remain dependent on something that offered temporary happiness at the expense of my peace of mind. I needed to reclaim agency over my life and knew I couldn’t do it if I was always getting drunk. I had to find another way to feel good about being alive, and so I decided to try following a more spiritual path.

After exploring various mindfulness techniques, I began meditating and looking inward. This allowed me to tap into my inner self and become more present and aware of what I was thinking and feeling. Through meditation, I began connecting to something greater than myself. This practice brought so much peace into my life that I no longer had the desire to escape it—or myself.

I’m not saying that everything goes my way now. Each day provides new challenges, and just like everyone else, I often feel tested by the universe. The difference is that I’m clearer-headed these days and have better control over how I react to situations. I’m more chill than ever before, and that in turn has made my life more chill.

So, am I weird for not drinking?

Maybe the weird thing isn’t me. Maybe it’s that I was raised to associate deep connection with losing control together. The person I am today is seeking more meaningful relationships, ones where I can have thoughtful conversations and still remember them the next day.

I wish there was a way to form that kind of bond with my grandfather. And even though he might disagree with me, I just don’t think we will find it at the bottom of a glass. 

Should I make an exception to my no-drinking rule and take a few shots with my grandfather? Or should I avoid the risks and continue maintaining my sobriety? Let me know what you think in the comments.